Watch a toddler as he or she is exploring the world. They trip, they fall, they get ‘ouchies’ but they just get straight back up again and carry on their way. Sure there may be a few tears but they don’t last and soon all is forgotten and they plough headlong into what it was they were about exploring at that moment.
Adults, on the other hand have a tendency to let the situation determine who they are – “I’m a klutz, I’m no good, there’s no sense in doing this”, I’m a poor communicator and the like is often the internal cry that we utter internally or externally. We spend time, money and effort in trying to understand our dilemma and figure out ‘why’ this has happened to us.
It is probably an accurate observation that it is what we ‘do’ with the ‘stuff’ that happens to us determines how we are affected by it. I find a useful frame to put around the ‘stuff’ that appears out of my control is that this was ‘pre-determined’ – it has happened – it is over – now toughen up, get over it and re-decide as to where to from here.
It’s useful to suspend the judgement on yourself in certain situations. Just because something happens doesn’t by itself MEAN anything. The meaning is what we bring to the situation – the meaning is ours and it is all made up. The meaning is the why we bring to something.
So, rather than trying to find out why, ‘work through’ or ‘handle’ ‘stuff’ when it happens why not ask the question of ‘how’ have I created this. What behaviours have I employed to make this occur? Once we have ownership and responsibility we can then look at what it takes to minimize the ‘stuff’ in the future.
Next week we will look at the essential ingredient required increase your opportunities for success in 2014.
